Sharon Eden – Inner Leadership

Pleeeeeez!… If it’s genuine why headline it?  It will speak for itself.  You don’t have to do or be certain things to be ‘authentic’.  You just are!  So, with sceptical mind, I went to a conference workshop this week  entitled ‘Developing Authentic Leadership’.

To be honest, I think I went for a fight. I think I went anticipating the same old same old ideas and formulae that I could challenge and kick at.

Ian Roberts from The Thinking Partnership started with a declaration his piece wasn’t in traditional workshop style.  People were free to make comments and ask questions (so could learn from each other anyway) but he wasn’t into a traditional workshop… Or, it transpired, a traditional anything else!

Instead, he launched into several stories which showed how fake most of which goes by the name of authenticity is in our culture.  And how it’s often seen in self leadership as finding your ‘essence’ in a narcissistic way, abandoning relationships, home, work, whatever and looking for some magical fit some mystery somewhere else.

I loved it!  He was talking stuff  in my upcoming book, albeit with a different approach and a different language.  There were a few minor points where I disagreed but, hey, at core, he and I are absolutely on the same wave length,

Some other ‘coaches’ in the large audience most certainly didn’t love it!

They expressed disappointment his ‘workshop’ wasn’t in the traditional formula.  They said they were confused… always a good sign indicating old ideas are breaking down and new ones in the process of forming.

They commented on how his manner had created a negative emotional reaction in them (so much for response-ability!).  They expressed feelings mostly of anger or frustration, some of feeling insulted by his approach.  And some verged on being personally attacking.

Never mind their palpable high levels of anxiety on having their expectations of the workshop and their beliefs about authentic leadership challenged big time!

And, if they didn’t comment, a large number of them just got up and left.

These were coaches!  These were people to whom other people entrust their precious selves for growth.  Yet they couldn’t sit with their own discomfort, dislike, diagreement, inner conflict or whatever else was going on for them.  So, how on earth are they going to be able to sit with that of their clients when at a growing edge???

Found a great quotation from Einstein.  ‘If you are out to describe the truth, leave elegance to the tailor.’

Now, I don’t believe there’s one essential truth… Ian was outlining ‘the’ truth from his perspective.  And he wasn’t elegant.  He gave it straight from the shoulder.  He responded to comments and questions, however uncomfortable, very much in the moment, present, standing in his own ground, saying it how it was for him…

He was modelling authentic leadership, what I call Inner Leadership!… Being aware of the other person’s position and feelings, being aware of his own reactions, which he later used as teaching points, and choosing neither to be defiant or compliant about the criticism but to respond honestly in the moment as best he could.

What a fabulous, fabulous opportunity for learning!

If you enjoy challenging yourself to become even more of who you are, click here to sign up for my fortnightly Inner Leadership Briefing and your exclusive report to find purpose at work right now!

When you have nothing to say… say nothing!

Maybe it’s me. Maybe I’m a little jaded with over a month of more than usual socialising and networking. From listening to buckets of small talk which has, at times, seemed very small to me.

Not that I need the lofty heights of academia or to debate the latest leadership theories at every opportunity but, pleeeeeez, … how can anyone in their right mind think the menu of their lavish dinner or latest challenging Atlantic flight are of any interest to me.

I’ve come to the conclusion that many people keep themself busy with gossip and lacklustre minutae as a distraction from focusing on things which really matter. What they lack in wit they make up for in volumous, stultifying garbage. And while they do…

They don’t have to face their lack of inner leadership, the personal or business relationship that’s falling apart, the difficulty they’re experiencing with their role, the lack of meaning and purpose they experience or that they’re as bored with themselves as I am with their conversation.

I wanted to yell, WAKE UP!  I was falling asleep too, being hypnotised into a coma where we could all pretend everything was alright when it wasn’t. Oh for some honesty, some transparency and authentic communication.

And, if I had yelled WAKE UP!, would I have been acting with integrity, just been downright rude or have defined myself socially as a lunatic?

Insanity here I come.

For more challenging thoughts, click here to subscribe to my fortnighty  Inner Leadership Briefing… Stright forward stuff for business and being.

Words are symbols for the energy they carry.

Experiment with this…

Think of the word ‘anxious’ and say it over to yourself a few times in your mind.  Notice how you feel.  Wriggle your body a bit to get rid of that experience.  When you have, think of the word ‘peace’ or ‘love’ or ‘joy’ and say that one over and over a few times in your mind.  Notice how you feel now… and keep that experience.

Note to self: Remember at all times that the words I use are symbols for the energy they carry.

Remain mindful… From the boardroom to the bedroom, from the meeting to the marquee, from the networking event to the netball game, from the business dinner to the baby shower.

Anywhere everywhere at all times, the words I use are powerful symbols for the energy they carry… and the energy I convey!

Been thinking about relationship messes at work; same old same old human miscommunication, projection and downright unconsciousness. And sometimes it seems to me that the politics of the playground rule!

So how do we resolve that? My heart sinks when I think of the industries & professions that have cropped up to deal with this issue alone… 1:1 coaching, team coaching, HR, mediation, conflict resolution and Uncle Tom Cobley and all.

I would love to be totally redundant and that there were no relationship messes at work… or anywhere else for that matter.

But without individuals within organisations committing to personal growth work, i.e. exploring their selves and becoming familiar with what makes them tick to the point of making choices about how they behave… big gasp of air! Both a long sentence and a tall order I suspect.

But without that awareness and ability to choose, the pain of relationship messes is destined to continue. And so often people ‘daydream’ about causation, giving themselves even more pain by personalising other people’s not so hot behaviours. Sometimes that’s reality and often it’s not!

So a simple maxim which applies both to people who cause messes and those who consider themselves recipients of others’ messes. If you make a mess and can clear it up, do so… then move on. If you can’t clear it up… just move on!

What relationship mess could you deal with today or whenever you’re back at the coalface?