Archive for December, 2011

Going Mad!

Thursday, December 29th, 2011

 

Creating space for the approaching new in 2012, found this in decluttering 2009 notebooks…

There have been times when I thought I was going mad!

Times of intense stress when I’ve lost the thread of moment by moment continuity; catching myself doing irregular things like putting notepads in the fridge and bananas in the airing cupboard.

And the moments when I sat amongst colleagues in business meetings, or around the dinner table with friends, and I felt a totally separate and alien entity.  Watching out of my eyes, hearing through my ears, sensing through my skin… but not being engaged or present.  Even thinking, sometimes, ”What the hell am I doing here?”

Disconnection from my self!  Thinking I know who I am and what I like and don’t like.  Only to discover these are some-one else’s wishes for me; their desire to have me be who they want me to be… with no consultation whatsoever!  Getting involved with ancient gremlin false beliefs, false ideas and concepts… and their shtick about who and what I am.

The way back?  Rediscover my passion; my here in the moment aliveness.  To reconnect with my senses and sensations, drawing me ever closer to my outtayerbox YOU, my ‘self’, the divine spark within which inspires, motivates, enlivens and enthuses me!

The place from which I engage heartily with life.  The place from which I enjoy being alive to the moment and the scrumdinger variety of colours, shapes, sounds, smells and experiences that brings… Heart bursting, blood pounding and joy drumming ALIVENESS!

What about you?

Do you recognise the pain of mere existance?  And would you like to live a life you love? … Email or call me when you’re ready.