There’s a chameleon in the office!
When chameleons come in human form, they appear to be the sincerest of sincere, the most absolutely believable and credible anyone could ever be.
The problem is, without a continuous, integrated and solid core self, they have to mirror their environment. That’s you or whoever the ‘you’ is with whom they’re relating in the moment.
So, when with you, they’ll mirror your beliefs, your values, your attitudes… and, because of that, create fantastic rapport with you. You’d think they were your best buddy. Ten minutes later, they’re with some-one else and… what do you know? Now they’re mirroring that someone-one else’s beliefs, values and attitudes and, because of that, creating fantastic rapport with them.
In the office, a chameleon is a Grade A menace!
In a group, they’ll mirror the general consensus of beliefs, values, norms and attitudes. They’ll go whichever way the wind’s blowing so as to maintain their likeable front and serve their own particular agenda. The problem is that, as part of a group, once alone with an individual they’re blowing hot and cold again according to that individual’s take on things.
And, with Machiavelian tendencies, they’ll be divisive and destructive, often opposing the leader, or setting themselves up as ‘better’ than the leader, and/or stirring up trouble in subtle and underhand ways.
Call them on their behaviour and they’ll flare up defensively, question your judgement and downright lie. Only, it’s not a lie to them. They believe they have integrity, if that’s what you’re calling them on. They believe they have strong moral values, if that’s what you’re calling them on. They’ll believe they said ‘white’ in the face of undeniable evidence that they said ‘black’. They will bombard you with rationalisations and excuses to maintain their position, whatever that happens to be at the time.
Never give a chameleon the benefit of doubt!
Because, due to this psychological personality flaw, they’re eminently untrustworthy… with themselves, as well as other people. They can talk the talk and even look as if they’re walking the walk because they’re very good at acting out a role, convincing themselves as well as others.
So, it’s not surprising that a regional director with whom I recently worked, doubted his own judgement and sanity, when the chameleon, who had been so plausible. was exposed. Because, if they stick around in one place for long enough or long enough periods… and, often, they don’t… they’ll get caught out through inconsistencies and incongruent behaviours. They will always, always trip themselves up eventually.
And when they do, their usual way of resolving things is to get on their high horse, have a big falling out with who-ever’s calledl them on their behaviour and walk out/leave in high dudgeon. Which is exactly how my client’s ‘chameleon’ behaved with him. No performance management there, then!
The only way I know of managing a chameleon is having them ‘fall in love’ with you. So besotted do they become with you that they’ll follow your lead, i.e., clone themselves in line with you. However, that lacks integrity and is manipulative… which mirrors the chameleon’s behaviour wonderfully.
So, your comments on chameleons, in general, and if it’s possible to manage them in an ethical way would be most welcome!
Hi Sharon – Great thoughts!
I find chameleon types very difficult to deal with – the ” all things to all men” is a phrase that springs to mind. In any organisation or relationship they are usually outed if they have any sort of longevity and people see through them. Quite often though they move around because being exposed for having no inner core or sense of self is their greatest fear. Sometimes it’s before they’ve done any damage but usually it’s after destructive behaviour.
The only way I have dealt with them is to be true to myself. In one case which you know about with my defrauder I took the hit ( an expensive one!) for the others I do the best I can and wait for them to move on.
Managerially I have found precise time bound formal goals and feedback procedures work the best – but even then the sophisticated ones find a way around that!
Thanks for yr valuable contribution, Dorothy. I certainly do remember about your defrauder! And your point about being true to yourself is crucially important because it can be all too easy to get seduced into their ‘game’. Thanks so much for pointing that out.
Hello there, Sharon! I think human chameleons are individuals to be pitied…so lacking in their own sense of self and values that they perpetually look externally, rather than internally, to define their existence. Having worked with a few, solid communications between the rest of team are a must to “out,” so to speak, the varying positions of the chameleon. Good post!
I enjoyed this article … Thanks
. It did get me thinking though about some workplaces with OTT leadership development programmer bringing this behaviour on themselves to a certain extent where they don’t reward people for being firm in their views and overly encourage harmony, with performance success factors geared around similar thinking linked to corporate values. I’ve worked in places where personality can be squeezed out of you so it’s easily done 
Hi Max… interesting point. Do some organisational cultures engender chameleons? Food for thougj… thanks.
Hi Jane… Excellent point re ‘outting’ the chameleon. Thank you!
Sharon, this is a great post. It drives home the point not all things — or people — are as they seem. In reading it, I am left with the question, “Who does the chameleon love?” If it were up to me to answer, I guess I’d have to say, “Everyone. And no one!” By that, we come to see the chameleon loves no one in particular, self least of all.
It seems to me the chameleon knows not how to love; they only know they need love. Success for them, even in the shallow sense of social acceptance, brings attention that mimics love. For this, the chameleon is contented, even as it precipitates their fall.
What’s of particular concern to me is our own reaction to chameleons. Our tendency is to judge, if not to condemn. The chameleon is likely a positive, outgoing, if not ‘happy’ person who enjoys attention but needs loneliness. It’s been my experience they are strong and decisive. More likely than not, they have many friends, in large part I suppose, because they have a commanding presence — something all of us appreciate and are drawn to.
What we forget is that each of us is a product of our environment. We do not wake one morning to say, “I think I’ll devote the rest of my days to the life of a chameleon.” Yet, in the case of chameleons, or so it seems, their environment somehow predisposes them to a life of distinct extremes, most notably a tumultuous relationship between love (mentioned above) and aggression. They come across assertive and decisive one moment while we see them completely defeated in another. In truth, we see a vessel that desires to be full but has no means to make it so. As such we see a human soul that changes all the time for one reason — in order to be loved.
The lesson for me is straightforward. Love them. And let them know it is an authentic love that shall never be far away.
Thank you, Sharon, for a wonderful post and the invitation to join the conversation.
Jack, as always, you challenge me to keep my my heart open whatever or whoever I come across. Thank you for your valuable contribution to my post and your loving reminders,
Thank you so much for that revealing post. I was very intrigued with your description of the social chameleon. The life he or she leads must be an tiresome and empty. The energy that is expended trying to be everything to everyone must be exhausting. Like you mentioned in your article, it when the chameleon is seemingly revealed as he or she really are, their defenses are completely up and we never find out who they really are. This secret person may have been hiding for years and years. There is a saying I heard somewhere once: “Some people are so smooth they fool themselves.”They have convinced themselves that what they show you is who they really are. As Leaders, Managers, or Mentors we may need to do some excavation, it may be alot more work but what we find may well be worth the effort. In the workplace where productivity is key, leading them may be difficult. But we may need to determine whether their divisiveness is based on their needs not being heard or met or if their actions are truly malevolent.
Hi StyleGent… Thanks for your comment… good points. I love that saying ‘Some people are so smooth they fool themselves’ and I think it fits well for the chaneleon.
At the extreme, an old boss of mine used to call them Cushions because they carry the impression of the last person who sat on them. They are distracting and can be dangerous, particularly in leadership roles – no clear sense of direction for anyone. You can’t form a real relationship with something that isn’t really there in business or social life.
But we all need to be flexible and adapt to new environments and new people. Surely it is a question of encouraging people to let you see their essential core. It can take a huge investment with some to get to that point. But at the end of the day I have not met anyone who didn’t have some kind of personal belief system, even if it was only the imperative to get up each day and make the effort to interact with others
Thanks Sharon, your post is very thoughtful, you’ve added valued insight to this situation. The best leaders choose their actions on values and character standards; the chameleon decides to act based on the situation and “how good do I look?”
I think Jack made an excellent point when he encouraged us to love the other person, even if he/she is inconsistent. I like to remember that all of us feel pain, and that experience of pain defines some people and the choices they’ve made. The chameleon feels safest when he/she can blend in, and avoid taking a stand. An aware leader provides love for the pain and recognizes the potential of the other to grow. The next step is up to the chameleon.
Thanks Wendy… The idea of chameleons being cushions is a good metaphor. And appreciate your comments about our own part in things. You raise the point for me that the chameleon spectrum, as it were, contains anyone from ‘just impressionable’ right up to pathologically lacking a sense of self which makes them highly defended when challenged.
Steve… Thank you for your valuable contributions reminding me of the role of value in our relationships with chameleons. And, as you say, the next step is most definitely up to them.
Reading the blog and the comments I have sat here with two responses or questions :
(1) who have I worked with who falls into this space or continuum and what was the impact and,
(2) when do I do things cause of “how good do I look?” (whom I have labelled my peacock feathers) and what’s the impact.
Thought provoking and inspiring, as always.
Lise
Lise
Big thanks, Lise, for your thoughts… and love the metaphor ‘peacok feathers’!