What’s Leadership Got To Do With It?
My daughter has Crohn’s, an inflammatory bowel disease for which there’s no cure. She’s had 2 major operations, the second in 2008 hospitalised her for 8 weeks. Crohn’s is no joke.
Within the last 2.5 weeks she’s had 2 minor operations, ‘day’ surgery, 10 days’ apart. The second didn’t turn out as well as hoped leaving her with a technological intervention, unable to sit for more than a few minutes without pain. And there’s another mini-op in a further 8 weeks to complete the process. I won’t go into the gory details.
At first she ranted and railed against her situation, wanting a reversal of what had been done now. I don’t want this!
Fortunately, she’s sufficiently worked on her own Inner Leadership to consciously know she was in denial. That didn’t assuage the emotional upset, her plumetting mood or the the desire not to have ‘this’ but she was totally aware of what was going on inside herself.
The worst thing to do at such times is tell someone to look on the bright side. The best thing to do is to acknowledge… This is crap! Validating the reality of a situation is the most authentic and wisest thing to do to enable recovery. It enables resolution and solution thinking.
And it also creates the space for ‘tough love’ discussions!
To act at effect or cause? She could limp along in ‘victim’ mode enduring the situation, depressed and constantly needing ‘help’. Or she could take charge, adapt however temporarily, find ways to incorporate her difficulties creatively in her life… and move forward into a more productive and enjoyable stage.
This includes allowing time for tears if need be. Allowing vulnerability to be present as a support for strength. The strength of the bullrush which recovers from a hurricane rather than the oak which is felled.
Reconnecting with her Purpose, currently manifesting as great motherhood with 4 months’ old Naomi, her Passion for the health of her own little family, including husband, and her Power to be a creative force in the world… Guess which option she chose!
I’m so proud of her. No Polyanna cover up job, she acknowledged and stayed conscious of what was going on. She explored options with some ‘tough love’ input to move the situation forward. She made choices and took appropriate action for her good and the greater good, mindful of the wellbeing of herself and others.
What’s Leadership got to do with it?… Everything!
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Thank you for another Wake Up! I’ve been stalling, avoiding, resenting and resisting following my passion and using my power creatively lately. Hadn’t realised I’d walked into a room and locked the door rather than keep moving forward into the unknown, the unknowable where life is lived fully alive.
Lise
Hi Sharon – sometimes the best leadership lessons come from unexpected sources and circumstances. I am sure your daughter will rise to the challenge with a great Mum to mentor her! Hope the recovery is everything it can be.
Appreciate your powerful comment, Lise. Curios how we can do that to ourselves even when we have the courage to face the unknown… Seems like it’s part of the process which carries us forward. I know you’ll be unlocking that door!
Hi Dorothy… Warm thanks for your comment and kind wishes. Your comment made me think that maybe all our powerful leadership lessons do actually get learned ‘on the job’…
Thank you Sharon, for sharing this tender and vulnerable part of your life and showing as the way.
I wish my mom had had a mom like you…I wish I had a mom like you! I wish every little girl and boy could be raised hearing this words of empathy and encouragement.
We need both.
We need the gentle touch of the hand on our feverish forehead, we need the comforting hand holding ours, and we need another human being to look at us right in the eyes and say: “it’s really crap, right now!”
Only then, can words of encouragement and happy visions of the future created.
Bravo for this post and a big hug to your two precious daughters, the big and the little one!
Happy Valentine’s Day, Superb Sharon!
Marion
Thanks you for sharing this story Sharon. A reminder to us all to look at where we are being at the affect of the circumstances in our lives and that we can choose to be at cause no matter what the circumstance may be. Love this sentiment in particular: “Allowing vulnerability to be present as a support for strength.”
Thank you so much, Marion, for your loving words. Parents can be potentially such powerful leaders… and while there’s breath it’s never too late. We can all certainly redeem stuff with our children from when we weren’t so conscious!
Thank you, Susan, for your valuable comment. It’s so easy for us to ‘forget’ especially at times of emotional intensity. And to become a bullrush… oh such a relief from being a rigid, have to be s-t-r-o-n-g oak!
Sharon,
What insightful application of your knowledge to a real life challenging situation. You also are demonstrating your own authenticity and inner leadership in telling the story for all to benefit. Nice to see someone doing what they tell others to do.
Warm regards,
Jenn
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Hi, Sharon! For me, your daughter’s struggles draw strong parallels with the courageous and inspiring story of Harriet Tubman who, from childhood, was to grow into one of the great Underground Railway leaders.
You have struck a resounding chord in this post that hearkens many of us to look within, to find the good courage Joshua speaks to in the ancient Hebrew texts. More than that, you have provided an opportunity for us to relate your daughter’s experience to matters that touch our hearts. We can feel your daughter’s pain and confusion and faith as she, like “Minty,” Harriet’s nickname as a child, must find the courage she does not know she already possesses. With your compassionate urging through tough love, your daughter has shown us a young lady who may, at times, doubt her courage but never her greater self.
We learn from your daughter’s story what it means to face a daunting world that seemingly offers no protection from cruelty—a world, at least in the darkest hours, with precious few people to turn to (in this case, perhaps as few as her God and her mum). But we learn something else, too. She, like any number of our inspirational heroes and heroines, is made from stronger stuff than we.
In servant leadership, we easily distinguish four key qualities evident in the ever-present ebb and flow of your unique relationship with your daughter: character, compassion, communication, and courage. Your daughter’s good courage, it seems to me, did not suddenly appear but, instead, was nurtured from her childhood, giving impetus to her later achievements you write about now. From her ordeal, we learn about the lasting, oft times cumulative effect of choices—choices deeply affected by our character. By accepting her plight without bitterness, your daughter allows the unfairness she has faced to make her stronger. In so doing, her story compassionately communicates how each of us can be more effective at helping another escape the heartache so familiar to her.
Through it all, her courage grows … and so does ours.
This story, as you have suggested, has everything to do with leadership. Like Minty, your daughter commits to courageous action and decides deep within to face her burden because “this is what I have to do!” And her actions rekindle within me a life of faith in the human spirit that uniquely lends itself to quiet leadership. I, for one, greatly appreciate you (and your daughter) sharing it with us. Thank you, Sharon.
Dear Jack… What can I say? Thank you so much for your illuminating comments which add great value to the topic.
Love, best wishes and every support for a strong and tenacious inner leader. Jim Collins talks about facing the unpleasant truths and dealing with them. What a great example to us all. Love
Thank you Kieran for your comments and appreciation… I’m touched.
Sharon, thanks for sharing such a personal and empowering story. The idea of validating how someone feels is incredibly meaningful and extremely important to moving ahead.
There are so many examples of leaders today trying to get their employees to ‘look on the bright side’ despite all the layoffs and hard times surrounding them. What is needed instead in these situations is empathy – acknowledging how difficult the situation is, that we recognize the obstacles ahead and that they’re not in it alone.
Reading your story, Sharon, I have no doubt that this is exactly the message you’ve imparted to your daughter, enabling her to draw in on both her inner strength and those around her to see through these rough times.
A wonderful example of how leadership is not merely a position or title; it’s a disposition in how we choose to serve ourselves and those around us.
Deep thanks, Tanveer, for your valuable comments… much appreciated.
Hi Jenn… Warm appreciations for your comment and enabling me to see myself through your eyes.