My daughter has Crohn’s, an inflammatory bowel disease for which there’s no cure. She’s had 2 major operations, the second in 2008 hospitalised her for 8 weeks. Crohn’s is no joke.
Within the last 2.5 weeks she’s had 2 minor operations, ‘day’ surgery, 10 days’ apart. The second didn’t turn out as well as hoped leaving her with a technological intervention, unable to sit for more than a few minutes without pain. And there’s another mini-op in a further 8 weeks to complete the process. I won’t go into the gory details.
At first she ranted and railed against her situation, wanting a reversal of what had been done now. I don’t want this!
Fortunately, she’s sufficiently worked on her own Inner Leadership to consciously know she was in denial. That didn’t assuage the emotional upset, her plumetting mood or the the desire not to have ‘this’ but she was totally aware of what was going on inside herself.
The worst thing to do at such times is tell someone to look on the bright side. The best thing to do is to acknowledge… This is crap! Validating the reality of a situation is the most authentic and wisest thing to do to enable recovery. It enables resolution and solution thinking.
And it also creates the space for ‘tough love’ discussions!
To act at effect or cause? She could limp along in ‘victim’ mode enduring the situation, depressed and constantly needing ‘help’. Or she could take charge, adapt however temporarily, find ways to incorporate her difficulties creatively in her life… and move forward into a more productive and enjoyable stage.
This includes allowing time for tears if need be. Allowing vulnerability to be present as a support for strength. The strength of the bullrush which recovers from a hurricane rather than the oak which is felled.
Reconnecting with her Purpose, currently manifesting as great motherhood with 4 months’ old Naomi, her Passion for the health of her own little family, including husband, and her Power to be a creative force in the world… Guess which option she chose!
I’m so proud of her. No Polyanna cover up job, she acknowledged and stayed conscious of what was going on. She explored options with some ‘tough love’ input to move the situation forward. She made choices and took appropriate action for her good and the greater good, mindful of the wellbeing of herself and others.
What’s Leadership got to do with it?… Everything!
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